YOU put a time frame on my healing. YOU are the one with sage advice. YOU still aren’t walking in my shoes. YOU still don’t understand the total devastation. YOU want me back at work. YOU want to act as if nothing ever happened. YOU. I need you to leave me alone. I need listeners […]
There are moments when life seems easy. Simple pleasures that block the pain and regret. Why can’t they be more often and less sporadic. I just had a moment, it was a relief, it honestly felt spectacular. Just as quickly though it faded. Do you feel this way? I cannot believe I am the only […]
My life used to be defined by music. I lived for it, strived to be better, rose and fell on how well I did. I was accepted as a musician and when I became rejected I saw no relevance to my life. Now, I pull my guitar from its case every other day or so […]
There’s nothing quite so precious as being able to rest. To relax free of the pangs of missed opportunities, pressure that is self induced, and feeling peace through and through. I am not quite there yet. I have always put a lot of pressure on myself, it has been misplaced though. Expectations that I carried […]
I am tired. I have grown weary of the daily grind. I don’t mean the work-a-day world, no, the effort of living itself. What it takes to move, to squelch the voices of negativity. To justify a continuance of life. The reminders of misdeeds and missteps, the inability to emerge from the thick smoke of […]
Now that I am integrating back into the work world I can feel that I am desiring to guard my seclusion. Work is frenetic and exhausting, people everywhere, demands constantly, and it wears me out. I don’t want to socialize, I want to go home and be in my room. I am not thinking about […]
I just want to take a fantastical moment right now. One of those little wishes we all make from time to time. There is nothing to hope that my wish could possibly come true but I will nevertheless make its utterance. I am going to close my eyes and remove everything from my mind. Everything […]
Try to imagine living in fear that at some point, you are going to destroy something important again. Maybe you know that which I speak of. There can be no rest, no joy, no sense of accomplishment. Just dread-when will “it” happen. I’m not sure that’s why I take the medications I do but I […]
I am feeling that my return to work is going to cause me to be sucked into the rat race and tear the will from me to write. I have lost the battle for my mental health, and the strength I have will now be poured into the daily grind. Going back in a transitional sense, […]
