I am numb, my heart is broken, and I am at a loss to understand. I am sure that with these emotions, I join millions of horrified people across not only America, but the world. Newtown, Ct. is the site of the latest catastrophe to strike children. The most innocent of us, with all the potential that anyone has ever hoped for, were cut down violently. Lives cruelly extinguished before they had a chance to begin. From the moment I heard of this crime against these children, I have alternately cried and prayed, and still don’t understand why. We may never know the answer, however this touched emotions in me for a familiar reason.
Someone said that the lives of these children were, “ripped away” from them. When I heard those words, I began to weep violently, for it was many, many years ago that I had my life ripped away by an abuser. Years spent in numb existence, stumbling through life with a confused sense of being, that seemed to be destined for impossible failure. But, for the time being, I am saddened and grieving for these 20 innocents who, with all the hope and joy of a young person, were confronted with their end in a most unexpected time and place. It is now that we encounter our beliefs, the question of God‘s goodness in this world of horror, and we resolve to either trust Him or turn away.
Again, the churches fill with people looking for some solace amidst the confusion but ,as time goes on, there will be other emotions and reactions that take place. I have already gone from disbelief, to sadness, anger, hate, and back to being numb again. My strength is sapped and I want to just hide and somehow process this terrible thing. People have spoken out with knee-jerk precision calling for a ban on guns and, of course, those that believe that is a bad idea. But now is not the time for that. We need to heal, to find a place of peace inside that allows us the ability to go on.
I am praying for the families of those who have been murdered, that God embrace them in His arms. That we who feel such strong emotions as well, be drawn closer to our families and our faith. God be with us all in this time of mourning.