Mistakes, failures, regrets, anxiety, age, depression…they will destroy you if you don’t handle them correctly.
And I am not doing a very good job at it!
I have found that there is the point at which a switch flips. Before, when you can still recover the time and make something out of your life; and after, the point at which the doors close and you are left with what has been.
It is a sobering moment which slaps you in the face with all the force of the inevitability of life. Time passes and it whizzes by with ridiculous speed. It doesn’t really sneak up on you, by the time you see it in the rear-view mirror, its to late. Remember, Objects in your mirror are closer than they appear!
This is the new reality of my life, and with this I want to encourage myself and warn you at the same time.
As I write, my stomach is churning and has a sickly feeling about it. A heavy weight is perched upon my shoulders and it won’t relent at all. I close my eyes and rub them with some unfounded hope that when they open, a different sort of vision will be present. Wishful thinking, yes. We are all confronted with what we’ve done and become at some point, there is no escaping it.
Where will you find hope when you reach… the switch?
I have written before about different people who shaped their legacy through altruistic actions, and others who ended their charitable efforts in personal disaster. It all smells a little bit like fate to me, as if there is a specific series of events that happen to a person and their destiny becomes a forgone conclusion.
That’s why we have statistics, they back up the fact that if you are raised a certain way, or are given certain opportunities, perhaps born into a specific culture or race; outcomes are fairly typical. That is good and bad. If we accept the data and fall into line with their results, we will be nothing more than a reinforcing bit of information for the experts. If we break the mold and achieve something extraordinary, now there is the anomaly…and the hope!
Until just a short time ago, I believed I could still achieve something great. Something unexpected. That in spite of my history I could confound the odds. Maybe…
Let me tell you, if you are on the right side of the switch, there is still hope. If you still have strength, purpose and a resolute spirit, you can achieve what you set out to do. I am unsure of what I can yet accomplish, and what the value of it might be, but I am not yet to the point I am devoid of some passion. And that is to at least use my life as an example and warn others of the fast approaching end of what we call a human life.
I will never forget what was said to me some 15 years ago by a church leader. “Chris, I watch what you do and do the exact opposite, then I know I will be all right.” Funny, at the time I was offended by it, but now it has all come true. If, in the living of my life I have helped someone do something right, in spite of myself, I guess thats what I will have to live with. That is my legacy.
Armed with that information, what is your next choice going to be?