And ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free. John 8:32 (KJV)
There is something about going through deep personal trauma that will exclude a person from accepting a marginal existence. Everything seems a little more urgent and painful; they will see more clearly through trivial matters and frivolous escapes from reality…if they are willing!
It’s because we were the most deceived at one time, allowing ourselves to be callously manipulated and blinded from reality altogether. Living a long, pointless and shallow life of addiction and self-preservation that is suddenly thrust into clarity will cause one to cast off the acceptance of veiled lies and half-truths.
For the most part, it is a relief to be standing in pure clean light; but it is also frustrating to live in a world that, like a beautifully adorned matador, just waves its cape at the passing bull of truth, depth and sincerity.
Most of us are willing to stay in the safety of denial, that’s where we find an ability to deal with our pain and insecurity. We pile up the stuff; accolades from others who are similarly wasting their lives, amass as much personal wealth as is possible and participate in useless activities that steal our precious and fleeting time. I am feeling the disconnect to rejoin the status quo and I am OK with that.
I was a part of the church for my whole life; born into a Christian home and using my talents as I grew and matured. But a funny thing happened on the way to my personal self-destruction, I uncovered my sins fully and discovered lies we all accept.
Now it is a challenge to just join the crowd and fall back into line with those living in the fog of denial. We don’t want to talk about certain things. It may be a family secret and we don’t want revealed that would ruin our good name. The deep and bitter struggles with addiction remain un-dealt with for the sake of our marriage, our job and reputation. We are addicted to porn because we just can’t deal with the challenges of life without a little self-medicated diversion. We are drinking, doing drugs and overeating to numb pain that is so deep we don’t even know what it is, or where it came from. We are constantly on the edge of an angry outburst and lash out at others because of our own untreated wounds.
There are whispers and maybe even accusations, but denial keeps the truth at bay. We know something is wrong, but make the decision to live with it. In the meantime, it is everyone else that must live with it too.
Its time to break the denial cycle that allows unnamed dysfunction to thrive. We must take a deep and truthful personal inventory of our own lives and begin to recognize those things that have taken more than they will ever give.
That is what I am doing, and make no mistake, it is hard to face what you’ve denied for so long, it won’t be a simple and short process. I am in year three of tearing down a huge and ungainly superstructure that supported a very disjointed life. I thought things were difficult before as I kept the plates spinning, but it is whole nother level of challenge here. This is what I am finding….
Living in simple truth is far better than simply existing in complicated lies.
Won’t you join me?