This week, I had the rare opportunity to share my personal story with a group of men, most of whom I did not know. I told them of all the mistakes I made, the willful disobedience and rebelliousness that infected my heart and how I eventually suffered complete and utter failure that reduced every hope and dream to a pile of rubble.
The focus was squarely on pornography and the way it can get into our lives, grow, progress and destroy. You see, men love talking sports and power tools but something like sexual sin makes us squirm in our seats.
It was all crickets at first and I was honestly intimidated. Here I am, a guy who has made all the bad decisions trying to tell a group of church going, Bible believing men that I had a clue! Truthfully I am just another Christian dude who slid off track through my difficulties in life and learned to cope by using a medication that never advertised all the harmful side effects. I achieved temporary escape by using porn, but the relief I realized was short-term; the shame, guilt, loss of faith, isolation, relationship destruction, anxiety and depression were the lasting effects.
As I relate the details of my fall, time quickly slips away, and I realize I haven’t had the time to touch on some important things with them. I close and slip back into my seat. After the service we fellowship over food, a mainstay Christian tradition, and I head back home.
After a restless night full of “what if’s” and “Dang! I shoulda said this’,” I get up exhausted and feeling I didn’t do this very well. Then, as I am trying to put it in some sort of perspective I get a timely email from the pastor where I spoke. He conveyed thanks and encouragement in a beautiful way. My day turned in an instant!
What was surely an opportunity for depression and acting out became a cause for celebration.
I played the song by Kool and the Gang and started my own party! I watched this video with all its joy, the dancing, (the white shoes) the party goin’ on and joined in the fun. I was able to accept what was said and what wasn’t and leave it in God’s hands. I am rejoicing in the barrier’s broken, the honesty present, the change that has begun.
Take that you stinking Devil, what you meant for evil is being turned to good!
Dang, its been two days and I want to keep dancing!! I can’t wait to see what God does next!!!