I have been on injury leave from my job since December of 2014. For the mathematically challenged like me, that’s just about two years. Let me tell you, being outta work that long will drive you crazy; there is the injury itself, the pain, dozens of therapy sessions, two surgeries, confinement…all that stuff. Then there is dealing with the administrators of benefits, whoa, I cannot understate how emotionally, mentally and physically draining it is trying to get paid every week.
For me there were some further complications that I will simply refer to as a “complete and utter challenge to every idea I had about life itself.” Kind of a big deal. The smallest and seemingly most insignificant parts of my being were disturbed from their rest. There were times that I thought I was going to lose it mentally. I had time to think deeper, consider who I had become and look at what needed to change. I ran the gamut of self-pity to anger to defiance and seeking revenge, every emotion was exposed raw and allowed to be explored. In this time I began to give up former ambitions and accept where I was. My concepts of faith and religion were blown out of the water. I accepted my new physical limitations, considering the combination of my age and heredity. That’s most of it anyway…
In just a few days I will be working again and it is time to put a little perspective on what has transpired.
It would be great to say that in the course of the last two years every question was answered, every wrong righted, every doubt erased and all fear was eradicated…that would be great! But reality is that this was just a two-year span of my life, all that had come before could not possibly be rectified in that neat and tidy little package. I am still on this life-long journey, still crazy stubborn and have a lot to learn.
I put undue pressure on myself to come out of this time wholly different. In doing so, I threw another time constraint on a timeless God.
Our lives are so finite. Younger people don’t get this; it just seems like we will always be strong, always have another opportunity, that we will always have the time. Oh what age reveals.
There is only one that is infinite, but we can be consoled knowing that His loving care is all around us. Though unseen, we can be held tightly to His chest and feel His loving embrace. When we are on the verge of insanity, He speaks peace to our soul. When another setback threatens to plunge us into despair, He forgives us. Even when we think our usefulness on Earth is exhausted, He provides a new vision.
Monday I am back to work, but thankfully, the work that God is doing in my life will continue on.
And I am sure that God who began the good work within you will keep right on helping you grow in his grace until his task within you is finally finished on that day when Jesus Christ returns. Philippians 1:6 (TLB)