I Hate This World

Angry, hateful, judgmental, hypocritical , demeaning, spiteful, unforgiving, revengeful, ignorant and so much more. This world has driven us to fight, chose sides, act rudely, selfishly, and see ourselves as more important than anyone else.

This world today is growing even more divisive and selective of individuals to hate in its round-robin wheel of madness.

I am an American white male in his 50’s and I have watched those like me be marginalized and subverted for decades. It isn’t enough that I have a history of being sexually abused by a family member, abused and taken advantage of by the church, struggle with debilitating depression, bipolar disorder and a propensity to self-sabotaging through various means; but our society has now chosen a zero-sum equation in which white men must fall so everyone else can rise.

I don’t hate anyone for who they are, the choices they make about how they want to live or how they express their beliefs. I just want to find a place of acceptance for who I am. I cannot find that. There is nowhere on this earth that I am welcome. No place in which I feel I can be who I am, who I truly am.

Is it any wonder that peace isn’t attainable? I have chosen to resist deadening pain and my raw feelings and emotions with flimsy religious platitudes, and its empty promises. I will not hide behind the promise of forgiveness and remission of sins to cleanse my mind and soul from the wrong things I have done or will do. I will not claim faith in an entity who is to cowardly to act on behalf of its devoted followers.

Will I rot it hell?Maybe, if there is one. For my part, this life has been a constant and never-ending hell-like existence. It isn’t getting better in my lifetime. I have maybe 20 years left maybe and its only going to get worse.

I pity the next generation, wait, no I don’t… you’re just going to get what you deserve. This world has taken my life, beat me down, kicked me, dragged me through the mud and then turned its back and walked away laughing.

You can have this world. Keep chasing that golden dream. I hope you succeed, because if you don’t your fate is assured.

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