Yesterday, I was challenged to stop remaining a victim in my claims of mental illness and laying part of the blame where it firmly belongs. If you read posts that I have published you will see my ability to be repentant, display genuine anguish and accept responsibility for my actions over the years. The fact that I don’t elude to that in every post seems to illicit a quick and harsh accusation which I cannot and will not give credence to.
There certainly are victims of all sorts of wrongdoing in this world. Need I recount even a few of the things that have occurred in the realm of sexual abuse the last few years? Are the only people we are allowed to call victims, those who die?
vic·tim Dictionary result for victim
a person harmed, injured, or killed as a result of a crime, accident, or other event or action.
sufferer, injured party, casualty, injured person, wounded person;
My post on Bi-Polar didn’t meet with resistance from most other sufferers of the malady or caregivers, it was within my own family that I was accosted. That is so typical, so very typical! Hell, I have been labeled the black sheep of the family, and it’s been stated that when presented with two choices I will invariably choose the wrong one. Even though it’s a proven fact that relationships, among other dramatic aspects of life suffer terribly because of mental disease, I am attacked and there is no understanding why my marriages have failed.
If there is a perp, there is a victim. It’s a fact. If there is no justice there can often be no closure. Not everyone treats being abused the same, our lives and responses are as different as the individual people we are.
As I said, judge me if you must, that is your prerogative, hey, its America! But I can tell you, the pain I have inflicted in others is magnified 100 times in me. I know what I’m responsible for and it has been dramatic. My wrongdoing has been noted many times in previous blogs. I don’t use the word victim as a dodge, I use it as a description of who I still am.
But until they jail the man who sent me on this off axis journey, until I am extended some understanding that isn’t attached to more accusations or until I receive the proper treatment that breaks through decades of disfunction and mental illness…This is me.
A victim trying to make it through life without ending it on my own.