Adding stress to Mental Health Sufferers

Negativity is easy for those of use who have mental health issues. There is no shortage of confusion to draw bucket after bucket from our deep well of dysfunctional.  Politics of hate, racism, class privilege and prevention, the rush to have and be seen with the best and latest of everything.

Let me tell you this, if I had the clearness of thinking and strength to go after what I wanted, it would not be to chase after selfish material things, or to waste it on silly debates that only show the immaturity of the parties involved. You think you are so smart, but with every disgusting tweet you reveal only a shortage of humanity and no desire to see all living together as one on planet Earth.

Those who suffer with mental illness are only being further pushed into corners in which our options are more and more limited. From smashing an egg on someones head to AOC and Trump childishly feuding. It’s like we are led by a bunch of entitled kids who want it all their way. Its TV that blasts in your face at such a pace it makes your head swim. Talking so fast, so much action, music blaring, people dancing and shouting, flashy cars and glitzy young people all selling the latest crap.

I am being pushed toward a ledge by all of it. As my head swirls full of wounds, hurts, mistakes and never-were’s, I find less to live for every day.

This sunny west Michigan day is all bright and blue skies, I try to remind myself it’s ok and this day will be better, different, but that’s difficult to do. Every step forward seems to be more than a few back.

I am still here. Those who I have known, and you know who you are, who I once called friends, where have you gone? Why do you insist I approach you? Do you understand mental illness? Are you too good to be associating with someone like me? Do you think I will drag you down?

Damn, this blog is supposed to help me process, but sometimes it just proves to do the opposite. Take me further within the beast.

 

1 Comment

  1. Years ago I practiced writing in my journal. I was pretty consistent compared to now. But, at the time when I was consistent I only wrote all of my negative thoughts, what I hated about myself, who I hated and why. I would write about all of the reasons my day was awful, therefore my life had no meaning. Journal entry after journal entry these were the topics I focused on. All negative and filled with anger and hate. I literally had to tell myself one day to stop; stop writing anything in my journal. I realized it wasnt helping but forcing me focus on what was dragging me down the most to begin with. I’ve been advised to begin journal writing again. My response was that me writing is not a good idea. I then received the explained response of how writing your negative feelings out actually helps your brain see the negative escape your body, from your arm and hand to the piece of paper and THAT is a great way of ‘processing.’ I just smiled and replied “thanks.” With my processing experience, it seems to be much more effective as an open, comfortable conversation with immediate feedback. Receiving other points of view on certain struggling issues knowing someone can relate or offer a way of dealing, or even a different way to go about thinking everything is negative really helped. I hope you’re able to find a way to allow the negative to escape while focusing on baby steps toward improvement for yourself. I was forcing myself to say at least two positive things about the day, regardless of how small they were, before I went to bed. I really felt it was helping, but now I’ve somehow relapsed like a recovering addict and I’m back to only negative thoughts, my body filled with anxiety, and just feeling down and confused about life. I, like you, am just trying to process life’s things, but I’m stuck. My processing isnt working. I dont know what to do myself. So, my intent was to offer a helpful response, but I think it was a complete fail. All we can do is try our best to keep taking those baby steps toward the positive side of life where the grass really is greener, without any secrets or hidden agendas while enjoying said green grass.

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