Hopelessness is a dangerous feeling. It can poison and destroy a persons entire being.
For me, I see hopelessness translate into a lack of motivation that has infected me from my mind right through my bodies individual molecule. Every possible escape from it is met with subtle yet powerful forces that strong-arm me into malaise.
I only write this because it is all I can muster to at least share my observations with you. I am not interested in having the stuff, driving the car, owning the beautiful home; no, I just want to survive another day. I think.
Hopelessness is so dangerous because it is a breeding ground for something much more, shall we say, unrecoverable. The feeling will eventually overcome any and all possibilities to be revived from its grasp. It is a slow and inevitable decent, with only a small percentage of chance to possibly escape from its gory end.
Sunny skies, a warm breeze or the smile of a friend are no longer enough to lift the spirits of the hopeless. It develops a mind and purpose of its own, growing stronger and more unstoppable every day. The big H has stolen from its brother the small h of hope. Hope will carry you for a while, but it will succumb eventually. The assault comes from every side, and, as the old commercial used to say, “you can pay me now, or you can pay me later, you are still going to pay.”
Hopelessness is like a multi tentacled beast that pulls you into a deep, dark, slimy hole…it never gets weak and never gives up what it has taken. I haven’t found the secret to escaping, and when you’re so hopeless you don’t even try to find it anymore.
So, what must be done, or better said, what can be done? I don’t know, the fake me is trying to make everyone feel I am ok. I’m not. I am in bondage to a fearless foe and they are winning moment by moment. I’m tired, my bones ache, my will is gasping for another breath. Hell, its 4:10 pm and I am still alive. That’s a minor victory right there.