This is my second blog post today. I have done nothing but watch YouTube videos and Netflix. Coming to face how complete the destruction is which I have wrought. There is no strength to pursue, no will to accomplish, no desire to chase, no song to sing, no light to my darkness, no hope to cling to. My ideas and dreams never came to pass because I was too weak and damaged to accomplish them.
I just want to lie down. Close my eyes. Forget everything. Sleep. . . Never awake.
This void in which I exist is destroying me from the inside out. Like a flesh-eating bacteria, there is less of me each day left to fight with. The only thing keeping me going is the desire to make some kind of difference. That someone else could receive justice for what they’ve suffered.
The man who took away my childhood will never be charged or jailed. If it weren’t for the people in my life who matter to me, this story, and this blog would’ve been long gone.
I am veering into a lane which I haven’t known heretofore, dealing with disability the rest of my life. It’s time to face the fact I am more of a burden that anything. I’m hanging on to something however slender and invisible.
Maybe there is something I don’t see here, something that the clutter in my head keeps apart from me. That is what keeps me doing this day after day.