I write a lot, and I am all over the place emotionally, psychologically, so I thought it appropriate to keep it real for a few words. I feel I am fairly well-balanced today and not in a place to purely wax morbidly.
My overall outlook is still in the negative. If it were shown in a percentage I’d be hanging at about 30%. I still am having difficulty lifting my head beyond my present circumstances. I am using money right now (though it isn’t that much) to make myself feel better. Running around to thrift stores snatching up vinyl, cassettes, C/Ds and vintage audio equipment. It is superficial but at least a minimally effective short-term pacifier.
Self-care still remains my biggest challenge. I have been working hard at it but only begrudgingly so. I have therapist appointments scheduled through the month, I am having a colonoscopy performed and seeing an orthopedic surgeon for my trigger finger. I had a physical and it revealed some issues. While all these things are being done I still have a very low commitment to follow through in the long-term.
Motivation and energy are also very low. It only makes sense when you believe everything you touch gets damaged that there isn’t much in the tank. Even the days which begin with hope are crushed very quickly. Therefore days and weeks become one long string of despair and languishing.
I am as good as can be expected at the moment. Now I am going to slip into a vegetative state mode for a while, have a good afternoon.