The Consistency of Inconsistency

Every day is an adventure. Mental health issues have a wondrous way of keeping you guessing. On the heels of a couple relatively calm days arrive some dips into deeper depression.

Last night I had some increasingly racing thoughts that kept my mind spinning deep into the night. My sleep meds didn’t want to help at all. So I was left to hang on as they came and went and returned again.

I have made some monumental mistakes and they are never far away from me.  Whether I choose to entertain these thoughts is inconsequential, they fire off in the synapses of my brain with sickening efficiency.

So today I am down, even after getting out to grab a few groceries.

The most innocuous of thoughts can warp themselves into a downward spiral into oblivion. I have to really watch this carefully because those thoughts can take me quickly down the trail that leads to suicidal ideation.

So it’s Saturday, mostly sunny, a few chores to do and a Herculean effort to not give these negative thoughts a home in which to roost. There will still be bad days, accepting this and moving on is the key.

Creating an atmosphere that is consistently good is the challenge that awaits me.

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