The American So-Called Dream

This phrase stuck in me today. I watched a commercial about a kid who was getting bad grades in English. The solution presented was merely to work harder and in the end the author was signing a copy of his book for his former teacher.

The American dream however is often more of a nightmare, it is in many ways a false hope.

What is the dream anyway? It is different for every single person, there is no standardized dream. Your dream could vary wildly from another’s, some might have similar dreams…in fact the truth is a far many more have no dream at all.

I once had a dream. I was going to make a difference, put my mark on the world, be really good at something. A funny thing happened on the way to that unrealized dream, a whole lot of heartache. It’s funny how time sneaks up and all the sudden the dream is dead. You never saw that grimest of reapers in your rearview mirror, he was just….there.

Then everything just goes away. Your mind doesn’t accept it at first, it takes some convincing, but you’re eventually faced with the reality of its end. Then you must grieve.

For me, I never had a chance to reach the dream. The problem is I was the last to know, and that made it especially hard to accept. In fact, there has been a process of cruel and torturous acceptance.

I am not blaming you, or anyone else. You see, I am not allowed to do that by most people. The professionals I deal with understand, my therapist, my psychiatrist, but you say I was just a failure on my own. Makes me chuckle. Then it makes me angry.

The American so-called dream is accorded to a rare few, the rest of us live to support their success.

My mental health has been severely damaged, I cannot deal with any more failure or mistakes or even be reminded of who I have become. The dream is now living through frequent nightmares, crying for no reason, fatigue that leaves no strength of body or will. It’s not thinking about a future that doesn’t involve personal destruction. It is not seeing the sun, hearing the birds or appreciating a summer breeze for that is all crowded out by pain, agony, and the despair of living.

The dream died in the dark and horrifying bedroom of a child, and the nightmare continues to this day.

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