This morning I had a thought slip into my mind out of the blue when it comes to processing my life.
I just want to make sense of what my life was and has become.
The emotions quickly came and went but the theme will linger all day if not longer. Why was I abused? Why did life become so unbearable? Why did I make so many bad choices? How can I emerge from this current time and have any joy restored to life, at all.
Some questions have no answers but that doesn’t mean we don’t ask. It is so hard right now to understand and accept the enormous negative impact I have had on the world around me. Despair and depression are the friends I have drawn close to. They shelter me in the midst of a steady, cold rain. I am soaked in their effects and given completely over to futility.
Yeah, gotta figure some stuff out, today is as good as any other to spend some time doing that.