I got to thinking today about this blog and my previous post and wondering if my passions are somewhat misplaced if not completely divided. I began writing when I was in a different time in life and have seen the morphing of the blog into a totally divergent focus.
From spiritually based content to dissecting abuse, addition, the religious community and my own failings I sometimes ramble and often rant away out of control. I can lose my original purpose for writing and there goes any concise collection of thoughts. But even that may be part of my mental illness.
When it comes down to it, why do I write? Who am I trying to speak too, the world or maybe subliminally to myself? I write about Mitigating Circumstances and wonder; am I convinced of the argument I am putting forth?
The fact is I hold myself guilty of many things just as a criminal would be. I don’t believe there are any justifications for my life and the bad things I have done. So I remain unconvinced and continue to write. At some point maybe all this will sink in and I will actually help myself.
Mental illness is a complex matter exacerbated by and complicit with abuse. I am in a deep hole and trying to claw my way out, somehow.