Hope of Life

Therapy always brings something to the surface, whether unexpectedly to not. Some of that today was the concept that the justification for my existence cannot be successfully argued, that’s a belief I have. I sit here a beaten and exhausted man. My will has been crushed by defeat after defeat, I no longer have the impetus to strive forward.

I am not the man you remember me to be, gone are some things replaced by others, some good and some bad.

There is a bottom line. It is that Bipolar depression, anxiety and PTSD have rooted out the hope of renewal. This is who I am and who I will always be. My strength is gone, my mind battered and limping through each day.

I am less forgiving of others as I have no forgiveness for myself. I am becoming very legalistic and angry. I have stopped crying and am now living numb. Where the mind goes the body follows. I have quit caring about my physical well-being. I just want what will be, to be.

My baseline remains.

Its important to remember that even though I dwell in this place, I am appreciative of those who reach out, give and care so selflessly. I am lost, but no so lost that I cannot see the empathy and compassion of others. It’s just that I have dried up and have forgotten the long absent hope of life.

 

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