The Music was Silenced

As a child I started playing the violin in the 5th grade. I played in the junior orchestra, a community orchestra and in college as concertmaster of the symphony orchestra. Years later I taught myself to play guitar and began playing in a worship band. That continued for decades as I played in larger and larger churches. I began to have opportunities to lead worship and sing. During these years I dabbled with piano, teaching myself to play, and drums and bass guitar.

Music was a central and motivating part of me. I was defined by music, it’s what people saw, and it is what I contributed to others.

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Now I live without this elemental part of my being. I have a cheap old guitar sitting in the corner but it never is picked up for more than a few minutes at a time. I’ve lost my way and there is a terrible void in my life now. The music was silenced.

Who am I now? What have I to offer? I am confused, depressed, anxious…I have had thoughts to end my life.

I am truly a basket case.  My purpose was diluted to the point it washed away the passion.

This place I inhabit is desolate, empty and dark. It has become a sort of home for me. I am just thinking…whats next? Is there anything ahead? Does this void go on forever? These are the questions that shout back at me and drag me down with the reality I have created for myself.

The music was silenced. Maybe that’s OK. Maybe there is something else. Maybe not.

1 Comment

  1. Like you I cannot remember a time where I wasn’t involved in music, Different forms of Gospel music.
    I taught myself piano, travelled and out of necessity learned to play a B3 Hammond organ.
    I have found the music never really leaves us. I have found I relate to music quite easily.
    Given time your love for music will return. Music is fundamental throughout all of the Scriptures.

    Like

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