Returning to a Civilized Existence

In just a couple days I will mark the one year anniversary of going into treatment for depression, anxiety and bipolar disorder. At that time I had lost all hope, I had given up, my life had caught up with me and this time I listened. I was suicidal, desperate and at the lowest point I had ever experienced. I haven’t worked since but for a couple failed attempts to restart.

I am going to be trying again now. The week of the 14th I will re-enter the workforce. Two weeks from today. I am sensing a daily rise in anxiety coinciding with this date. Thats to be expected. Until the day I walk back into work it will be like this. Every shift will be a test, each week as I build up hours will be a barometer of my ability to assimilate back into the environment.

Honestly, I hope it works, I really do. I think being off has its own drawbacks and I know being with people will help. However, the facts remain as to why I walked away and somewhat hesitate to return.

So amidst all the questions, doubts and unknowns I am going to try. If it works life can go back to being somewhat normal. Albeit I will still be in therapy and still seeing a psychiatrist regularly.

I will never know if I don’t make the effort.

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