It always feels like another shoe is going to drop. There isn’t any extended peace or joy. I live on the edge of something I cannot describe but it isn’t a pleasant place to be. All good is temporary and the pain is the tie that binds.
I don’t feel like I belong, anywhere I am. The meds have taken the edge away but a dull, monotone existence is what’s left.
There is nothing of this life that satisfies. The only bright spot and person that makes getting up everyday matter is Susan, my wife. If it weren’t for her I believe I would have just given up and given in to the voices that call me into darkness.
Working retail has sapped the spirit from my bones, people are something else. This pandemic has spoiled my plans and revealed the lack within that still hinders and will always prevent me from overcoming the obstacles before me. I admit, I am my biggest problem. I just cannot believe that I am now 60…it all happened so fast. It was wait, wait, wait, then BOOM! It’s all over.
I am struggling, like many who deal with mental illness. Please don’t forget that May is Mental Illness Awareness Month. Listen to those in your life who are under it, throw them a lifeline, lend a hand, encourage, take some of the burden if you can. You may just save a life.
By the way, this is my 500th post and boy has it been a wild ride!