I Should Have Been Aborted

Right now, in our country, the debate is raging over who should be our next president. One of the most polarizing issues is based on the ever caustic arguments over abortion rights. Well, I am going to put a twist on this disagreement that you have never considered, and I am going to be very blunt and real with you. I have never pulled punches on my blog and I am not going to start now, but its going to be painfully true from my point of view

I was born into a sexually abusive environment. I had no control over it, I was simply born. For years I suffered in terror each night and some days as to when the next attack would take place. As a young boy I was taken advantage of and used for someone else’s pleasure. During this time I developed many ways of thinking that formed who and what I became. I lacked confidence, I couldn’t trust, my self worth was obliterated. I couldn’t complete the simplest task, I self sabotaged, isolated myself from others and took advantage of people. I struggled along with PTSD, depression and anxiety that went undiagnosed until I was in my fifties.

Now, add to this a religious component. While I am being abused, my abuser is taking his family to church, singing songs in front of the congregation and volunteering his talents to be used by the church…all this while I was being abused. Blatant hypocrisy being lived out and all happening in the dark of night when no one was looking. This person also used pornography to feed their addictions, even photographing themselves while nude.

I came in to adulthood not ready or able to be an adult. I hadn’t the basic skills to succeed let along thrive. My life, still involved in religion went through a series of failures that left me hopeless and alone. Then I got married, had children…divorced and married again….divorced and married a third time. All these relationships I did my best to destroy and I didn’t even know why. I was in a church that condemned my behavior as spiritual rebellion, for some reason I spent twenty years there being spiritually abused.

Today, I am professionally diagnosed with PTSD, depression, anxiety, bi-polar and struggle with suicidal ideation. I have spent extended time in out-patient mental institutions and I also am prescribed a fist full of pills to take morning and night to help stave off the affects of my conditions. My self sabotage has left me deep in debt, unable to live normally, drained all peace and joy from my life. I often wish I had never been born and have thought of ways I could fix that issue.

I should have been aborted because there was no-one there to rescue me from my destiny. My life, but for a few gleaming moments has been a disaster. Full of pain, darkness and defeat.

I say all this to make a point to you today. This fight over abortion rights is a mess and I will tell you why. Because if we have all these kids that we didn’t abort who is going to be there for them? Not their single parent homes (of which I admit many succeed through monumental work and consistency) Where is the support in the local church that failed me more than once allowing the abuse to continue? If our government programs deny financial support, family support, don’t make adoptions easier and less costly, allow protections for the abused and at risk, all benefits to the needy to help bridge these gaps they face, where do they turn? Our juvenile detention centers will be overwhelmed and our prisons full, and more fatherless children will be thrown to the dogs. This will continue, generation after generation with no hope of relief.

You want to stand on the Bible? Thou shall not kill? I get it. But what about the scripture that says he who harms a little one might as well have a millstone tied to his neck and be thrown in the sea? You want every child conceived to be born, then you better be willing to help that child succeed. There is no rest in this I hope you know, it doesn’t end when you place your vote. That is the beginning.

The sad truth is I wish I hadn’t been born, but I will be damned if I will sit by and watch people make their arguments without hearing first hand the price of bringing that child into the world. Now think about it, your responsibility never ended with a vote.

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