It’s not that depression is a giant mystery. If anything it is rather predictable. Today I am depressed, my wife asked when it started and I don’t know. You see depression is always turned on, it is just a matter if the knob is at one, eleven, or somewhere in between.
So I am dragging myself around the apartment, no energy, no drive, nothing. It’s my day off from work after knocking down five days straight, it should be a mini party…but it’s not. The predictability of tomorrow and every day thereafter give me no signs of hope. Work, have a couple days off, back to work and repeat indefinitely. Doesn’t matter if it is a beautiful day outside, the inside is full of anxiety. Ground hogs day without Bill Murrays smarts.
I took my meds as prescribed, and I take them consistently, still this darkness hangs over my head. So how do I push through? Buy some vinyl, or a piece of audio equipment. There isn’t much that can get me up from being this down this long.
Thats my understanding of it in a nutshell. It never leaves, never lets up, and is always looking for a way to ruin anything positive.