I think I know why I am in this deep depression that won’t lift. In the grand scheme of things I could handle one or two major failings and not be stuck here. I mean everyone makes mistakes, everyone fails at something at some point, thats just life. I have had a lot of opportunities […]
In discussion with my therapist we came to the conclusion that I believed I am a complete and abject failure. Through the chronology of the last 40 years I thought it was ridiculously self evident. It doesn’t require you be a brain surgeon to see it clearly. So my therapist asked me to dig into […]
People love posting little cutsie stories on why people leave the church. Oh they’re lazy or got out of the habit, were offended blah, blah, blah. I guess this is supposed to play on people and guilt them into returning, Isn’t that just like the church. For once the church needs to accept their responsibility […]
Today I was supposed to return to work after having a couple days off, anxiety overtook me and slapped me down. These words kinda summarize how I am feeling. IN THE END Linkin Park It starts with one thing I don’t know why It doesn’t even matter how hard you try Keep that in mind […]
Running on empty, not enough in me to even write this post. I’ll leave it there for now.
I have been waiting a long time for something that happened today. In the back of my mind, biding my time for the comeback of someone who fell from grace, so to speak. When it finally came to be, my momentary joy was quickly squashed. Tiger Woods came all the way back and won The […]
Why do victims of violence have to get over stuff? Why are those who perpetrate violence getting away with it? This is the essence of my post today. Those who’ve gotten over something wonder why others continue to struggle with it. They can’t understand why someone who has been severely traumatized won’t let go. Here’s […]
In honor of my arrival at psycho/inmate status, I have shaved all my hair off. This is me in acceptance of what life has become and always will be.
It all runs together, the emotions and beliefs I direct toward myself. agony numb angry frustration fear failure contempt guilt shame frozen doubt anxiety worthless used embarrassed diluted hopeless abandoned unloved dirty spent loathing decomposing unfaithful untrustworthy stupid These words speak to me, swirling in the undercurrent of my mind. Beyond the Tinnitus ringing constantly […]