I appreciate the encouragement to write. I keep writing here as I can but to do something more serious, such as a book, isn’t possible at this point.
I live everyday under enormous weight. Just to stand takes an unbelievable amount of strength. Not bragging or whining, just saying. I still struggle mightily with the concept that my life has any meaning or purpose. Yes, I am married to a wonderful woman who loves me deeply, but even that has a hard time penetrating fathomless and abiding depression.
Today is Monday, the start of another week. I need to do some self care stuff like making a couple appointments, get ready for therapy tomorrow and maybe set up a couple of meetups with friends. But for right now I just want to be alone.
The good news is that today I showered for the first time in a week. That is an accomplishment for me. Beyond that I have a bike that I am working on as a project to keep my hands and mind busy, and its good for me. Applying for financial help for my recent stay in partial hospitalization too. Stuff to do as you can see but not at all motivated to get anything done, so we will see what the week holds.
Even though this weird trip began nearly a year ago, I still feel like I am at the genesis of this journey toward mental health.